Things that I’ve been learning through serving in HS ministry:

1. You cannot immediately punch someone when they disagree with you. Especially if they are a boy. You must put away your high pride and be willing to sit on the ground, ponder for a minute or two the possibility that you could be wrong.
2. Talking with the person and hearing their voice over the phone is ALWAYS better than texting.
3. PRAY PRAY PRAY. LOVE GOD. Plan ahead.
4. I am not a physically active person…and that affects the kids and the shape of this ministry. -__- God is challenging me to move.
5. God must move, and you must have faith that he is always moving.
6. Be creative.

At the moment, dearest one, it doesn’t make sense.

But here are the things that you must acquire. 

1. Butterfly tattoos. Paste them on your wrists, the back of your neck, and on your collar bone, just where Cary Grant would like to kiss it.
2. Sparklers. Let the night light up and run around with life bursting at the seams. Full of the possibility of love.
3. Apple Cider. To toast in the night with friends when you want to burp because of carbon dioxide, feel fancy, and never drive drunk. It’s safe, delightful, and utterly delicious.
4. A big white tablecloth. Maybe four of them. Pack these in your suitcase along with rope. They can make you a dress when you need it. It can also be hung up like a makeshift tent, or used as curtains or a movie projection screen. Do this in the middle of the street and invite the whole neighborhood to come watch movies that make you laugh till your stomach aches.
5. Plane tickets. To somewhere. Anywhere that is not the same state. Fly to that strange place and wake up for a while. Drink in the sights and sounds, and for a while, remember as you’ve never remembered before.

may i just say rawr?

today. the first things i ate were a square of chocolate and three slices of costco pizza slathered in siracha sauce.

I got home…and felt disgusting. So after an hour I made myself a Thai inspired salad.

Diced tomatoes, cabbage, white onion, and mint. All this was sprinkled with an epic sauce of crushed chili, garlic, sugar, doused with lemon and fish sauce. MAGIC. 

And I later added some fujii apple slices to the mix. YUMMMMMOOOO.

My kitchen…I would like it to be emptied. in the proper way. a feast prepared for hungry college children that will eat anything placed in front of them.

List of stuff before going back to work

1. Poor man’s pho = Maruchan cup of noodles. 59 Cents and full of MSG. MMMMM…
2. My food….is like my personality. Or so I like to think. A lot of BLOOD RED tomatoes. Hot spiciness, and bitter tea. And at times the sweet doughiness of the cookie indulgence.
3. A big honkin cup of earl greys can always cheer up my day.
4. Oliver Twist is a fun book to read

Favorite flowers…

• Peonies
• Roses
• Tulips
• Gardenias
• Orchids
• Freesia
• Sun Flowers
• Baby Breath…
• English Roses

So, it has been exactly one month since you have left. The house and the people inside of it are settling into the rhythm of you not being part of our pattern.

It still brings tears to my eyes that I did not get to see you one last time. To here your mumbling voice or even to make you laugh by asking you to pray for a good husband. I still remember kneeling on the rubber mat, praying in English for you and feeling quite keenly the pain of life and the brink between death and breathing.

I am going to try to read and write more.

I will not waste my attention on a mere boy. There is better. And most of all, there is God. God in his goodness and grace and glory for the world to see.

You left that behind. No money or big worldly legacy. You left behind a humble love for God. No matter where you were, you had that. Even if it meant being confined to a bed for the last 20 years of your life.

Often when the sun is setting I drive down Magnolia and remember I could make a sharp right into the cemetery to visit you. And I know I will. I am so glad you are not in rose hills where there is wind and little level ground to stand on. Although, i must admit I still love that big chapel up there.

Goodbye! I will let go of this, and hold on tightly to God. His hand is big, mighty, ready to lead his children to glorious places. Places full of Him.

How foggy the sea does seem, but with the light of your word, may this journey be one where I am better for you, because of you, and by your grace.

thank you. I love you Jesus.

Time wakens a longing more poignant than all the longing caused by the division of lovers in space, for there is no road back into its country. Our bodies were not made for that journey; only the imagination can venture upon it; and the setting out, the road, and the arrival is all imagination . Our memories of a place no matter how fond we were of it, are little more than a confusion of lights on a ground of darkness.

-Edwin Muir